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Brian Walker About Brian Walker

Brian is a Research and Program Development Strategist at Saprea. Brian spent over a decade of his career teaching high school social studies and serving in administrative capacities at a residential treatment center for teen boys who struggled with anxiety, depression, trauma, and learning disabilities. He has directly observed the effects of trauma and abuse as well as the healing that can come to both individuals and families. In addition to his full-time responsibilities, Brian has served as an accrediation evaluator for schools and as an aftercare coach for clients and families transitioning from intensive mental health treatment. Brian has enjoyed presenting regularly at academic, professional, and religious leadership conferences. He holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in history teaching from Brigham Young University. You can find Brian often hiking the Utah mountain trails in search of spiritual enlightenment and photo opportunities or trying out a new recipe in his ambitious but under-stocked kitchen.

How to Heal From Sexual Abuse

Saprea > Blog > All Blogs > How to Heal From Sexual Abuse

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How to Heal From Sexual Abuse

From our earliest experiences, we start to innately conceptualize what it means to heal. When we bumped our head and Mom gave us a hug, reassuring us the pain would subside, that instantly seemed to help! Or when we took a tumble off a bike and watched as a bruise formed and then faded over time; we started to get a sense of how we could get “all better.” Survivors of child sexual abuse know that healing from trauma is much more complex than recovering from a physical bump or bruise. And while each person’s healing journey can take a unique personal form, there are universal principles that can help foster healing.

Definition of Sexual Abuse

Saprea defines sexual abuse as any situation where another person (adult or peer) forces or coerces a child or adolescent into sexual activity, physical or non-physical.

What Does It Mean to Heal?

Healing from trauma is often a dynamic and individualized journey. You seek a restoration of your physical, emotional, and psychological well-being. Recovering from a past trauma like sexual abuse goes far beyond just feeling temporary relief, or the absence of discomfort—it encompasses feeling a sense of balance, wholeness, and vitality. Healing from trauma requires a holistic approach. It includes addressing physical ailments, seeking emotional well-being, fostering mental resilience, and even seeking a spiritual wholeness. Progress in any of these aspects can have important repercussions to your leading a fulfilling and meaningful life despite what you have experienced in your past.

What Are the Effects of Sexual Abuse?

Survivors of child sexual abuse often experience many physical, emotional, social, and psychological effects resulting from past trauma. Some of the effects of sexual abuse may come and go with regard to frequency and intensity; some may be a stressor or challenge you experience for years. These may include:

What Does Healing Look Like?

As a survivor of sexual abuse, you might seek physical healing by forming a positive perception of and connection with your own body. This could look like restoring a sense of vitality, health, and, in some cases, regular functionality of normal biorhythms and activities. Survivors often must work extra hard to interpret, manage, and express their feelings. You may even experience a challenge in identifying what emotions you are feeling. You want to find a place of emotional stability and resilience, and be enabled to express how you feel without being absorbed by the intensity of what you are feeling.

Cognitively, you may want to overcome the interruptions associated with post-traumatic stress. You seek to develop healthy patterns of thought, a balanced outlook on what tools you can use to effectively cope with new experiences, and manage the tasks of daily life. You may want to experience a sense of connection, purpose, and inner tranquility. Perhaps you want to find meaning and alignment with your core values. Or, maybe you want to restore a feeling of hope in your own future.

What Resources Can Help Me Heal?

Saprea seeks to provide support and resources that meet you wherever you are in the path of healing. Survivors of sexual abuse can greatly benefit from reviewing information that helps illuminate the impacts of trauma. This information provides validation and helps you draw connections between what you have experienced in the past, and how it is affecting your life.

Saprea’s Online Healing Resources

Using content and strategies from our  Saprea Retreat,  the staff at Saprea have created a library of research-based online resources to help you address symptoms that are often associated with the trauma of child sexual abuse. These resources can help you understand the whys behind the effects trauma may have had on your life, as well as the long-lasting impacts of  shame  and its underlying connection to other symptoms you may experience.

Once you understand some of the  whys  behind the symptoms and experiences you have been coping with, you will be better prepared to actively seek healing in many aspects of your life.

Saprea’s Three Healing Practices

At times you might wish the path to healing was organized into a nicely drawn map with identical milestones for every person to reach in the same sequence, but the truth is that you need to chart this journey within the context of our own lives. As the team at Saprea has worked with thousands of survivors of childhood trauma, it has become clear that there are hallmarks of the healing process that are universal.

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Acknowledgement

Looking with clarity and self-compassion at where you have been in the past and where you are today.
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Mindfulness

Purposefully paying attention with kindness and curiosity to the present moment.
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Aspiration

Directing your thoughts and actions towards healing.
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Acknowledgement

Looking with clarity and self-compassion at where you have been in the past and where you are today
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Mindfulness

Purposefully paying attention with kindness and curiosity to the present moment.
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Aspiration

Directing your thoughts and actions towards healing.

Allow Yourself Time and Celebrate Small Victories

Recognize that healing often takes time. Allow yourself room for patience and acknowledge the growth that you have made. Periodically assess your progress. Recognize and celebrate the small victories you have made along the way. Keeping track of how far you've come can provide motivation and a sense of accomplishment that adds fuel to the healing process.

Helping Others Heal From Sexual Abuse

Many survivors seek to manage their symptoms through a combination of ongoing education, self-care, medication, and therapy. But it’s also important for them to have the support of friends, family, and loved ones. If you are seeking to help someone close to you cope with the effects of child sexual abuse, take confidence that your support will have an important impact.

Things you can do to offer support include:

  • Get educated on the impact of trauma on the brain’s limbic system and how triggers arise.
  • Help reinforce self-esteem by being complimentary of their many positive qualities. Don’t just focus on one area, but find ways to offer sincere compliments and assure them of how they add meaning to your life, even when they are experiencing struggles.
  • Offer support in coping with addiction and seeking helpful treatment when needed.
  • Be aware of words and actions that can add to the guilt and shame they may be feeling. Conversely, you can also alleviate guilt and shame by how you respond to what they share.
  • Be supportive of everyday applications for grounding and mindfulness practice. Offer to participate in those practices with them.
  • Be patient and understanding with regards to sex and intimacy. Allow your partner to communicate about their experience and adapt your approach when needed.
  • Affirm their hope in the future, especially when they set goals or formulate their hopes and aspirations for healing. Help them celebrate as they reach for and accomplish these goals. Offer compassion when they encounter setbacks.
  • Reassure your loved one that you will support them during times of mental and emotional stress.*
Helpful things to express:
  • I believe you.
  • I’m sorry this happened to you.
  • The abuse wasn’t your fault.
  • Thank you for telling me/trusting me.
  • I’m always here if you need to talk.
  • How can I help/support you?
  • This doesn’t change how I think/feel about you.
*It’s normal for people to experience depression on occasion, especially survivors of sexual abuse. However, if any of these symptoms interfere with daily function, last for a significant amount of time, or put a person’s health and safety at risk, it’s important to consult a doctor or mental health professional.

Offer Support in Meaningful Ways Along the Healing Journey

Remember that your influence can play a positive role in many different types of circumstances. Refer to this chart for suggestions on how to offer support:

When your loved one is moving forward with confidence:

  • Help celebrate the progress they have made, and are continuing to make.
  • Encourage them to keep stretching toward their goals.
  • Help them create connections where they can cultivate strength and validation.
  • Help build momentum through affirmations and appreciation for how they are helping others.

When your loved one is feeling resistance or concern:

  • Listen and validate what they are experiencing.
  • Offer to assist in problem solving or working through challenges and setbacks with the positive strategies that have worked in the past.

When your loved one feels stuck:

  • Support them as they seek stability; reinforce the benefits of healthy connections.
  • Offer unconditional positive regard and compassion!
  • Help them connect with the present moments and take on life one day at a time. Sometimes this might include grounding techniques.

When your loved one is in crisis:

  • Work to intervene in an appropriate way.
  • Support them during triggers.
  • Help them avoid situations that could be harmful or destructive.
  • Seek additional resources that they can lean upon to expand their network of support.
  • Involve competent professionals to offer support and services.
Note: If you or someone you know is struggling, or in crisis, help is available. Call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Confidential chat is also available at 988lifeline.org 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Offer Encouragement to Access Saprea’s Healing Resources

If you have a survivor of child sexual abuse in your life that has not had the opportunity to access the supports that Saprea offers, consider how you can bring awareness of these resources. As you do, it is helpful to keep in mind that each step in a healing journey is a personal one. Offer compassion and support rather than pressure. Here are some suggestions on how you can raise an invitation with care, and in an informative way.

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“I hope you know that you are not alone. Sometimes it is helpful to talk with others who have had a similar experience with past trauma.”
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“I have been learning a lot on Saprea’s website about the effects of sexual abuse. Want to read an article with me?”
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“There is a no-cost webinar specifically designed to help trauma survivors of child sexual abuse. It is about 4.5 hours and focuses on education, not intense therapy.”
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“You have been making some important progress in addressing the trauma of the past. Maybe it is time to consider attending the Saprea Retreat. It doesn’t take long to apply, and is completely free to attend.”

About the author

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Brian Walker

Research and Program Development Strategist
Brian is a Research and Program Development Strategist at Saprea. Brian spent over a decade of his career teaching high school social studies and serving in administrative capacities at a residential treatment center for teen boys who struggled with anxiety, depression, trauma, and learning disabilities. He has directly observed the effects of trauma and abuse as well as the healing that can come to both individuals and families. In addition to his full-time responsibilities, Brian has served as an accrediation evaluator for schools and as an aftercare coach for clients and families transitioning from intensive mental health treatment. Brian has enjoyed presenting regularly at academic, professional, and religious leadership conferences. He holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in history teaching from Brigham Young University. You can find Brian often hiking the Utah mountain trails in search of spiritual enlightenment and photo opportunities or trying out a new recipe in his ambitious but under-stocked kitchen.

Preventing Sexual Abuse in Church

Saprea > Blog > All Blogs > Preventing Sexual Abuse in Church

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Preventing Sexual Abuse in Church

Religious faith and practice are a central part of many people’s lives. Participation in a church or faith community is an enriching experience that can provide countless benefits1, including an increased sense of community, greater access to social services, and meaningful opportunities to support others.2

However, faith or religious communities—just like any other community—aren’t free of dangers. Unfortunately, children who participate are at risk of being sexually abused within a religious setting or by a religious leader—a scenario that falls under the umbrella of institutional child sexual abuse.3 Children who endure this type of abuse are often victimized by their abuser for longer periods of time and suffer devastating effects. These effects not only impact the child, but the fallout of the abuse can also extend to the other members of the community.4

I have witnessed tragic instances when sexual abuse devastated an individual, interfering with their spirituality and compromised their religious conviction.

I have seen religious leaders and mentors use their authority and influence to abuse youth entrusted in their care.

I have grieved with my religious community when abuse fractured our sense of safety and peace.

I have endured the emotional aftermath of eroded confidence when instances of sexual abuse violated the collective trust of entire congregations.

Both religious leaders and members of faith communities share the responsibility to protect the children and youth they serve, particularly from sexual abuse. As we examine some of the conditions that can enable abuse, and ways to reduce the risk of it occurring, I hope leaders and members alike will be inspired to take action.

The Power Dynamics Present at Church

In my experience as a lay church leader for more than two decades, I have noticed the symbiotic relationship between religious leaders and the people they serve. Leaders offer guidance, inspiration, validation, reinforce a sense of purpose and identity, and coordinate opportunities for others to become involved in a community. Parishioners and religious participants, in turn, invest precious time, attention, resources, trust, and can cultivate a sense of reliance on religious/church leaders.

Because of the nature of their work, clergy, leaders, teachers, and mentors within religious settings often encounter individuals at some of their most vulnerable moments. Members may seek out help with physical, emotional, social, educational, and spiritual needs.

As with many other environments, the power dynamics present in a church or religious group can be hijacked to exploit vulnerable individuals—particularly children and youth. Power structures that are designed to serve and uplift can be misused by individuals who take advantage of the trust placed in them. These dynamics can trap victims in abusive situations, limit opportunities for them to disclose, and, in some cases, weaken the likelihood of an appropriate response when those disclosures occur.4

Unhealthy power dynamics include:

  • Religious leaders dismissing concerns instead of addressing them appropriately.
  • Encouraging victims to maintain secrecy rather than reporting the abuse.
  • Failing to implement safety procedures, or don’t adequately communicate those procedures for safeguarding vulnerable populations.
  • Consistently prioritizing the desires of one individual over the needs of others.

Due to the power and status church leaders hold, congregants are likely to defer to the opinions and teachings of those leaders. They are also more likely to comply with a leader’s requests and instructions. This deference is reinforced in instances where compliant individuals receive greater influence, privilege, or higher reputation within a religious community.

Abusers can leverage these dynamics within religious institutions to cover up their actions or mislead those they victimize. Sexually abused youth who are willing to speak out can be dismissed by others using the fallacy that such accusations aren’t just challenging the leader; they are challenging a divine “higher power” or the entire religious community they belong to.

Survivors of child sexual abuse in religious settings are often pulled into the confusing position of trying to separate the uplifting things they experience in their religious community and the abuse they endure. They ask, “Why would this person or group who represents so much good be able to do something like this?”

Tragically, survivors often conclude that their own behavior is to blame for the abuse, or that their personal faith somehow isn’t strong enough to make sense of what they experienced.

Key Takeaway

Church leaders and members can acknowledge the power dynamics present in their community. It’s important for parents to pay attention to situations where individuals have access to and influence over children or youth. Religious participants can check unhealthy power dynamics by establishing boundaries around the types of interactions that occur, and monitoring interactions with occasional check-ins. This attention can help to both support children in establishing healthy, nurturing relationships with trusted leaders while also protecting them from adults with self-serving motives.5

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Note: If you or someone you know is experiencing sexual abuse, please take a moment to review our resource list for additional help and guidance on how to access immediate support.

Why Background Checks Should Be Required for Church Leaders

Another way parents can get more information about the individuals working in positions involving children and youth is to ask church leadership what process they took to vet the individual. Such processes are extremely important in reducing the risk of abuse. For example, my congregation has a policy that requires general approval from all members before any lay person accepts a position that regularly interacts with minors. Additionally, when an individual is new to our congregation, someone from our leadership will reach out to that person’s previous congregation to check if there are any concerns before they are asked to assist with youth groups or classes.

For professional positions where individuals rotate though various congregations as part of their employment progression, church leaders may wisely require formal background checks including a Bureau of Criminal Identification (BCI) search of past criminal history. Exploratory hiring committees are wise to take the necessary time to interview others who have interacted with a candidate and specifically ask if there have ever been any concerns about misconduct.

When screening candidates, church leaders should:

  • Verify the candidate’s work and volunteer history. Have they completed safety training on how to prevent sexual abuse and how to respond when it occurs? Are they willing to continue to keep their trainings or safety certification(s) current?
  • Ask for several references and specifically follow-up on any concern of misconduct involving children or youth.
  • Consider using a formal background check provider.

Remember, while background checks are an important part of vetting individuals, they are only part of the picture. Background checks must be combined with extensive interviewing and reference checks. A person’s willingness to complete regular training, comply with safety interventions, and follow appropriate reporting processes can be a good signal of trustworthiness.

Key Takeaway

Parents should inquire about how the church leaders and other adults are vetted before those adults begin working with kids. Whether these adults are professional clergy, teachers, staff, or even volunteers, parents should expect and verify that those individuals who work with their children are properly trained and committed to following safety and reporting protocols. Faith leaders should encourage parents to speak up if they ever have concerns about interactions between a youth mentor and the children they are working with.

If you are a church leader and want more information on reporting statutes in the US, please visit https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubpdfs/clergymandated.pdf.

Foster Open Communication with Your Children

It is natural for a youth or child to seek belonging and acceptance. Youth may assume that the church leaders and mentors in their faith have valuable experience or knowledge to offer, which may motivate youth to comply with adult leaders, and even honor requests for secrecy. Therefore, it is important that everyone understands—especially youth—what forms abuse can take, and to speak up and ask for help if anyone—clergy, teachers, or even older peers—within the religious setting behaves in a way that makes a youth feel uncomfortable. As youth understand the various forms that sexually abusive behaviors can take and what grooming behaviors look like, they are empowered to challenge or avoid unhealthy power dynamics.

Parents should make it a point to have regular conversations with their children about their experiences at church. They can ask what their interactions with their leaders are like within those settings. They can ask how other children or youth are being treated. During any of those conversations, if a child shares information that is concerning, parents will want to try to keep channels of communication open with the child, which reinforces the importance of responding to the child instead of impulsively reacting. But parents ought not to hesitate to raise the concerns with others.

When children report positive interactions with others in a religious setting, celebrate them. But don’t dismiss the opportunity to discuss the potential for abuse and what to look out for.

Teach youth that sexual abuse can include:

  • Any sexual activity between a child and an adult. And, any sexual activity between a child and a significantly older minor.
  • Unwanted attention or requests for sexual favors.
  • Communications or interactions that a child is encouraged to hide/keep from their parents.

THE EXTRA BENEFITS OF PARENT-CHILD COMMUNICATION

Keeping the lines of communication open with your children provides space for them to share information with you about what they are encountering at church and provides an example for how they can communicate with others when they encounter unsafe situations.

Empower your children with the words and responses they can use to help them express themselves:

  • "This situation doesn’t feel right to me.”
  • “I would feel more comfortable with another adult.”
  • “Give me a moment to check with my parent about this.”
  • “In our faith we teach… but what is happening doesn’t match up…”

Having regular conversations with teens and children provides more opportunities for them to learn communication patterns from you that they can use to raise flags of concern when they feel unsafe.

Key Takeaway

Parents can reduce the risk of sexual abuse by fostering open communication with their children and specifically discussing what abusive interactions may look like.

Avoid Excess Time/Contact

One of the simplest ways to reduce the risk of child sexual abuse in a religious setting is to minimize the time adults spend with a child—particularly in 1-1 situations.

A child may benefit from a nurturing relationship with any trusted adult, especially when those interactions are focused around a clear objective and are frequently supervised. Consider the benefit of a teen interacting with a youth pastor and receiving guidance on how to organize a major volunteer project, or a bar mitzvah tutor who is helping a young man become familiar with the language of important religious texts. These opportunities can provide youth with a sense of belonging that is very beneficial to their well-being, and their faith.

However, the risk of abuse multiplies when there is unstructured or excess time between leaders and children, particularly in an unsupervised setting. Unstructured time can lead to interactions that are, at best, opportunities for overly casual interactions or, at worst, self-serving for an individual without the child’s best interests as the priority.

One high-risk but often overlooked situation involves communication that is conducted online or through mobile devices, which can quickly shift into a 1-1 scenario. Patterns of 1-1 communication between adults and children should be a red flag for all youth and their parents. Visit Saprea’s resources to learn how you can promote safety during your child’s online activities.

Key Takeaway

Parents can reduce the risk of sexual abuse by limiting the time that adults spend with their children in unsupervised settings and monitoring communications that their children have with adults at church.

Conclusion

My life has been immensely uplifted through participation in church and interactions with other people of faith. Even as a child and teen, these milestones were important building blocks that helped establish my religious convictions and enhanced many other areas of my personal development. I feel strongly that each step we take to preserve the safety and well-being of our children and youth as they participate in religious settings will yield important fruit.

Acknowledging the power dynamics present in religious settings, vetting leaders who work with youth, empowering kids through communication, and monitoring interactions between adults and children are all investments we can make to foster faith and safety.

About the author

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Brian Walker

Research and Program Development Strategist
Brian is a Research and Program Development Strategist at Saprea. Brian spent over a decade of his career teaching high school social studies and serving in administrative capacities at a residential treatment center for teen boys who struggled with anxiety, depression, trauma, and learning disabilities. He has directly observed the effects of trauma and abuse as well as the healing that can come to both individuals and families. In addition to his full-time responsibilities, Brian has served as an accrediation evaluator for schools and as an aftercare coach for clients and families transitioning from intensive mental health treatment. Brian has enjoyed presenting regularly at academic, professional, and religious leadership conferences. He holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in history teaching from Brigham Young University. You can find Brian often hiking the Utah mountain trails in search of spiritual enlightenment and photo opportunities or trying out a new recipe in his ambitious but under-stocked kitchen.