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What to do if a Sex Offender Moves to Your Neighborhood?

Posted on December 15, 2023 - 10:39 am by

Saprea > Blog > All Blogs > What to do if a Sex Offender Moves to Your Neighborhood?

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What to do if a Sex Offender Moves to Your Neighborhood?

You do everything you can to ensure that your kids are safe. But what do you do if a registered sex offender moves into your neighborhood? You may feel like you suddenly don’t have control over your child’s safety. A potential threat has come and you don’t know what to do. Here are some tips for managing what can feel like an overwhelming situation.

Stay Calm

It can be easy to assume that it’s only a matter of time before something bad happens. While the threat of reoffending should be acknowledged, it’s possible for sex offenders to become productive members of their communities, especially if they are supported and supervised. Of course you want to be vigilant in protecting your child, but don’t panic.

Get Information

Try to get as much accurate information as possible about the situation. You may hear rumors about the offender from people in your neighborhood, but everything you hear might not be true. There are a variety of reasons someone might be on the registry. The Department of Justice maintains the National Sex Offender Public Website, and you can go there to get specific information about the offender in your neighborhood. The information that is available varies from state to state, but the registry is a good starting point. You can contact law enforcement for more information, if necessary.

Talk to Your Kids and Neighbors

You can always be proactive as a parent and neighbor in discussing ways to reduce risk and protect children from sexual abuse. Be sensitive sharing information about the registered sex offender—you don’t want to spread rumors. The topic of sexual abuse will likely come up in your neighborhood, and you can share empowering and accurate information with people. At Saprea, we believe that education is one of the keys to prevention, and you can be a part of educating others. Check out our community resources for information you can share.

Provide a Supportive Community

Sex offenders who are being reintegrated into society generally want to be successful. They want to lead productive lives free from perpetrating, and the communities where they live can have an impact on their success. A study in the American Journal of Public Health observes that individuals with a criminal history reintegrate into society with more success when they have social support, housing, and employment. Understandably, you might want to isolate the offender in your neighborhood. You don’t need to interact in any way that makes you uncomfortable, but harassment and discrimination can make the risk of re-perpetrating worse instead of better. This person is a member of your community now, and your community will be healthier if all the members succeed.

Having a registered sex offender move in close by may not seem ideal, but don’t assume the worst about the situation. In all likelihood, the new person in your neighborhood wants the same things you do: a safe community filled with mutual respect. Be aware of the situation and sensitive to what’s going on, and you can feel confident that you’re doing what you can to keep your kids safe.

Recent blogs

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Male Sexual Abuse
According to the Centers for Disease Control, 1 in 13 boys in the US experience sexual abuse at some time in their childhood. And the American National Center for PTSD states that at least 1 in 10 men in our country will experience sexual assault at some point in their life. This means that sexual trauma can occur beyond childhood.
Read this article
23215:full
What to do if a Sex Offender Moves to Your Neighborhood?
You do everything you can to ensure that your kids are safe. But what do you do if a registered sex offender moves into your neighborhood? You may feel like you suddenly don’t have control over your child’s safety. A potential threat has come and you don’t know what to do. Here are some tips for managing what can feel like an overwhelming situation.
Read this article
23247:full
Before Letting Your Child Have a Sleepover
Going to a sleepover may raise the risk for a child to be sexually abused. Educated parents are the best ones to decide if a sleepover is appropriate for their child. You can eliminate the risk by not allowing a sleepover. Or, if you choose to have sleepovers, there are some things you should think through.
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Before Letting Your Child Have a Sleepover

Posted on December 15, 2023 - 10:38 am by

Saprea > Blog > All Blogs > Before Letting Your Child Have a Sleepover

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Before Letting Your Child Have a Sleepover

Going to a sleepover may raise the risk for a child to be sexually abused. Educated parents are the best ones to decide if a sleepover is appropriate for their child. You can eliminate the risk by not allowing a sleepover. Or, if you choose to have sleepovers, there are some things you should think through.

Below is a checklist of things to consider. Some won’t apply to your situation, but all of them have their place.

THIS IS THE RIGHT CHOICE FOR YOUR CHILD.
Some children aren’t ready for sleepovers. Some aren’t comfortable with the idea of staying somewhere else, but feel pressure from their friends or don’t really understand what it means to have a sleepover. Make sure that this is the right thing for your child at their age-, comfort-, and maturity-level.
YOU KNOW THE OTHER PARENTS, HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM, AND TRUST THEM.
This may seem obvious, but knowing who the adults are, and trusting them with your child, is an important aspect that you’ll want to have in place before you allow your child to sleep over at another person’s house.
YOU KNOW WHO ELSE WILL BE AT THE HOUSE WHERE THEY ARE STAYING.
Older siblings, family friends, an uncle from out of town – make sure that you know all the people who your child will come in contact with and, if it makes you feel uncomfortable, cancel or reschedule the sleepover.
THE INTERNET AND OTHER MEDIA FOLLOWS YOUR STANDARDS FOR YOUR CHILD.
Many kids are first exposed to sexually explicit movies or images at sleepovers. You’ll want to set clear expectations for the night your child will be there.
YOUR CHILD HAS A VOICE.
You’ve talked through what a sleepover is and some of the things they should expect. You’ve role-played possible scenarios they might come across and had them practice their answers. If necessary, you’ve come up with a code word for your child to use if they want to come home, but don’t want their friends to know. You’ve scheduled set phone call times and a pick up time, if appropriate.

Once you’ve gone through this checklist, it will make it a lot easier to determine if your child should go on a sleepover. And, if they do, you’ll know you’ve prepared them the best you possibly can to have fun, but be safe and protected while participating.

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Male Sexual Abuse
According to the Centers for Disease Control, 1 in 13 boys in the US experience sexual abuse at some time in their childhood. And the American National Center for PTSD states that at least 1 in 10 men in our country will experience sexual assault at some point in their life. This means that sexual trauma can occur beyond childhood.
Read this article
23215:full
What to do if a Sex Offender Moves to Your Neighborhood?
You do everything you can to ensure that your kids are safe. But what do you do if a registered sex offender moves into your neighborhood? You may feel like you suddenly don’t have control over your child’s safety. A potential threat has come and you don’t know what to do. Here are some tips for managing what can feel like an overwhelming situation.
Read this article
23247:full
Before Letting Your Child Have a Sleepover
Going to a sleepover may raise the risk for a child to be sexually abused. Educated parents are the best ones to decide if a sleepover is appropriate for their child. You can eliminate the risk by not allowing a sleepover. Or, if you choose to have sleepovers, there are some things you should think through.
Read this article
SEE ALL blogs

5 Ways to Respond to Unhealthy Sexual Behaviors

Posted on December 15, 2023 - 10:35 am by

Saprea > Blog > All Blogs > 5 Ways to Respond to Unhealthy Sexual Behaviors

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5 Ways to Respond to Unhealthy Sexual Behaviors

Your child just asked you a question about an unhealthy or harmful sexual behavior, or they’ve exhibited an unhealthy or harmful sexual behavior, or they’re confessing that someone has been making them feel uncomfortable and they want to tell you all about it.

In any of these three scenarios, you want to respond and not react.

What’s the Difference and Why Does it Matter?

When you react you do so without thinking; you’ll say or do things based on the moment and the emotions you’re feeling and you may end up doing or saying something you regret. When you respond it leads to an open conversation and will cultivate trust between you and your child.

Here are five ways to respond to your child if they have questions about, or problems with, unhealthy sexual behaviors:

01

TAKE A DEEP BREATH.

It will give you a moment to pause, process what’s happening, and decide how you need to handle the situation.

02

PAY ATTENTION TO EMOTIONS.

Your child may be nervous or upset, be sensitive to that. Your own emotions may begin to run high, but you need to keep them in check. Responding in a controlled and kind way is important so that you do not shut your child down. The worst scenario is a highly emotional reaction that teaches your child not to talk with you next time there is a problem.

03

LISTEN.

It’s difficult to listen, especially if you’d rather not hear the things your child is saying or asking. Don’t interrupt them, let them talk as much as they want to before you respond.

04

VALIDATE THEM.

Recognize how hard it may be for them to talk to you. Let them know how much you appreciate their trust in you. Assure them that you are there to help.

05

SET OR REINFORCE EXPECTATIONS.

If you are trying to curb an unhealthy behavior, set up the parameters or reinforce your guidelines. If you are trying to limit their exposure to a certain thing, let them know about that change. If you are planning on keeping them away from the person who made them feel uncomfortable, be honest with them about it.
As you learn to respond instead of react to these types of conversations it will keep an ongoing dialogue with your child about healthy and unhealthy sexual behaviors. It’s one of the most important things you can do to keep your child safe from sexual abuse. It will also open the door for your children to come to you and trust you when they have questions about sex and not rely on others. These conversations may make you feel uncomfortable at first, but make sure you keep going! They’re important for your child, and for you, and will benefit you both.

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According to the Centers for Disease Control, 1 in 13 boys in the US experience sexual abuse at some time in their childhood. And the American National Center for PTSD states that at least 1 in 10 men in our country will experience sexual assault at some point in their life. This means that sexual trauma can occur beyond childhood.
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What to do if a Sex Offender Moves to Your Neighborhood?
You do everything you can to ensure that your kids are safe. But what do you do if a registered sex offender moves into your neighborhood? You may feel like you suddenly don’t have control over your child’s safety. A potential threat has come and you don’t know what to do. Here are some tips for managing what can feel like an overwhelming situation.
Read this article
23247:full
Before Letting Your Child Have a Sleepover
Going to a sleepover may raise the risk for a child to be sexually abused. Educated parents are the best ones to decide if a sleepover is appropriate for their child. You can eliminate the risk by not allowing a sleepover. Or, if you choose to have sleepovers, there are some things you should think through.
Read this article
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Teachers Can Help Prevent Child Sexual Abuse

Posted on December 15, 2023 - 10:33 am by

Saprea > Blog > All Blogs > Teachers Can Help Prevent Child Sexual Abuse

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Teachers Can Help Prevent Child Sexual Abuse

While a parent may have the biggest influence on a child’s life when it comes to educating about healthy sexual development and reducing the risk of sexual abuse, many adults also play an impactful role—especially teachers. They have the potential to be an important safety net for kids who are at high risk for sexual abuse at home.

In the United States, each state has laws that require certain professionals (like teachers) to report suspicions of child abuse. Learn the laws in your state and see what your responsibility is, legally speaking. These, in addition to your school’s policies, will give you a good baseline on what to do when you have concerns that a child is being abused.

But what else can you do? Are their ways that you can recognize sexual abuse? Can you create a classroom environment that reduces the risk? How do you know what to say or when to say it in order to help a child? Below are seven ways that you can help reduce the risk of sexual abuse for your students:

01

KNOW THE FACTS

There are a lot of myths about child sexual abuse, so it’s important that you know the facts. The majority of children and teens are most likely to be sexually abused by someone they know and trust. Too often the abuse happens within their own family. This means that school may be one of the only safe places for them, whether you realize it or not. Sexual abuse affects kids of all races, religions, socioeconomic levels, and ages. If you don’t think it’s happening to children who attend your school, you’re wrong. It’s also important for you to know the signs, including looking for the possibility that a child is engaging in harmful sexual behavior and may be at risk for becoming a perpetrator of sexual abuse.

Simply arming yourself with accurate information can make a big difference in your classroom and school. When you encounter misinformation, you can step in and correct the inaccuracy. This will also help you reduce the stigma surrounding this topic and make it an appropriate topic to address with your colleagues.

02

LEARN ABOUT AGE-APPROPRIATE SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT

Depending on the age and maturity of a child, you can be sensitive to patterns of healthy sexual development and what’s typical for students within the age you teach. This may help you recognize sexual abuse, since exhibiting unhealthy or harmful sexual behaviors is a sign the child may have been sexually abused. You can also reduce the risk of a child acting on harmful sexual behaviors if you can recognize the signs. Keep in mind that not all children will develop at the same pace and things like maturity, mental or physical disabilities, and the environment where they’re being raised may impact their development as well.

When you are armed with the knowledge of what’s age-appropriate for your students, it will make it all the easier to spot when someone is not at the same level. This in and of itself is not a sign of sexual abuse, but when it’s combined with other factors it may lead you to ask questions, report, or advocate for a child who is in need of your help.

03

ENCOURAGE EMOTIONAL REGULATION

There are certain risk factors that raise the possibility of a child being sexually abused. Several of these factors may be combatted if a child learns emotional regulation. Emotional regulation is the ability to respond to the emotions felt in any given situation in a healthy and socially acceptable way. As adults we practice this skill often, but it’s something that children need to practice in order to develop. Responses such as tantrums, shouting, or meltdowns are signals that a child is having difficulty regulating their emotions. Depending on the age of your students you can implement policies in your class to help them have the time and space to work through overwhelming feelings.

Some ideas are giving them “alone time” to think about what they’re feeling and how they can deal with those emotions in an appropriate way for the classroom (make sure this doesn’t feel like a punishment or it could exacerbate the problem). You could utilize our Wheel of Emotions and help them identify their feelings so they can talk about them, or you can ask them to write down what they’re feeling as an essay or a story, depending on their age.

Giving kids a safe way to experience and resolve their emotional responses is not only an important life skill, but research has also shown that it will help prevent them from being sexually abused or sexually abusing someone else.

04

ENCOURAGE AND SUPPORT SCHOOL POLICIES

Most schools have policies in place for things like sexual harassment between students as well as policies dictating interactions between teachers and students. Encourage open discussion and understanding of these policies so that everyone (both students and staff) knows and understands both their rights and ways to respect the rights of others. If your school doesn’t have these types of policies in place, see what you can do about getting them implemented.

Many places require teachers to go through training or receive additional education about sexual abuse. These can often be emotionally overwhelming and leave you feeling hopeless about being able to ever make a difference. One way you can supplement this training with more hopeful and actionable information is by utilizing our classes designed for community members.

05

ENCOURAGE PARENTS TO EDUCATE THEIR CHILDREN

Whether or not your school has a comprehensive sexual education program, at Saprea we believe that parents are the most important source of information for their children. Many parents may not be discussing healthy sexual development with their children simply because they don’t realize what an impact it can have. You can encourage them to have little talks about sexual development with their kids.

Letting them know the importance of teaching their child assertive communication could be a good place to start. Or the importance of modeling healthy relationships. You could even start with talking to them about raising their child’s self-esteem. Whenever possible, encourage them to talk to their children openly and honestly about healthy sexual development, which may make all the difference in reducing the risk that the child will be sexually abused or will sexually abuse others.

06

TRUST YOUR INTUITION AND REPORT PROBLEMS

Like the adage you hear when you’re waiting for a flight in the airport, “If you see something, say something.” If you see a coworker or student exhibiting behaviors that cause you to worry, speak up about it. This may be letting a fellow teacher know that their relationship with a student seems to be veering into dangerous territory or pulling a student aside to ask them if everything is okay. Your school may have policies in place of who you should report to and how; make sure you know what the protocol is when you see something.

If you know that sexual abuse is occurring, don’t hesitate to report it. There are many survivors of child sexual abuse who have a teacher to thank for stopping the abuse they were experiencing. If your intuition tells you that something is “off” with a situation or someone, the chances are it is and you should investigate further.

07

BE A TRUSTED ADULT

There may be kids in your classroom who don’t feel safe at home. No matter what their family looks like, no matter how much (or how little) money their parents make or how nice their neighborhood is, a child may be experiencing sexual abuse. You can create an atmosphere of safety in your classroom and be someone they trust. Let them know that if there are problems in their lives, they can talk to you about them. Stress to them that secrets won’t keep them safe.

Whether a student is being sexually abused or not, having an adult they feel safe with is important. Allowing them a space where they can be themselves and where they are encouraged to work through their emotions in a healthy way can make all the difference in their lives.

Together We're Better

Child sexual abuse is an epidemic that impacts far too many families and communities. Together parents, teachers, and community members can make a difference. As we make it safe to openly discuss this topic, we can lower the number of children abused every year. Learn what to look for and speak up about this topic. It could make all the difference in the world to your students.

Recent blogs

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Male Sexual Abuse
According to the Centers for Disease Control, 1 in 13 boys in the US experience sexual abuse at some time in their childhood. And the American National Center for PTSD states that at least 1 in 10 men in our country will experience sexual assault at some point in their life. This means that sexual trauma can occur beyond childhood.
Read this article
23215:full
What to do if a Sex Offender Moves to Your Neighborhood?
You do everything you can to ensure that your kids are safe. But what do you do if a registered sex offender moves into your neighborhood? You may feel like you suddenly don’t have control over your child’s safety. A potential threat has come and you don’t know what to do. Here are some tips for managing what can feel like an overwhelming situation.
Read this article
23247:full
Before Letting Your Child Have a Sleepover
Going to a sleepover may raise the risk for a child to be sexually abused. Educated parents are the best ones to decide if a sleepover is appropriate for their child. You can eliminate the risk by not allowing a sleepover. Or, if you choose to have sleepovers, there are some things you should think through.
Read this article
SEE ALL blogs

The Myth of the Abused Becoming Abusers

Posted on December 15, 2023 - 10:31 am by

Saprea > Blog > All Blogs > The Myth of the Abused Becoming Abusers

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The Myth of the Abused Becoming Abusers

As a young college student, I decided that I didn’t like golf. I learned that golf actually stood for “Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden” and my hatred for the sport was solidified. I spent years railing against golf and the sexist acronym behind it.

Except it wasn’t true. I learned a few weeks ago that it’s a common myth, something repeated because it seems true, even though it isn’t.

This is relatively harmless compared to some myths—like the one that most perpetrators of child sexual abuse were once abused themselves. Or, in other words, that if someone is sexually abused as a child they are more likely to become an abuser when they grow up.

Of course, there are sexual abusers who were abused as children, but it isn’t as frequent or common as most people, even therapists, believe. In her book Predators, Anna C. Salter talks about how most men convicted of child sexual abuse will simply say that they were abused as children because it affords them more sympathy. In reality, fewer than 10% of them actually were.

So, what does this mean to you, as a parent?

01
If your child is sexually abused it does NOT mean that they will grow up to perpetuate that abuse on others, especially if your child is given the help and care that they need after the abuse is discovered.
02
It harms survivors of childhood sexual abuse to have this stigma attached to them. In addition to the trauma they experienced, they are now saddled with the fear that they’ll grow up to harm someone in the way that they were harmed.
03
When you read about a perpetrator of child sexual abuse, don’t assume that he or she MUST have been abused as a child. The truth is, we don’t actually know why people become sexual abusers, but we do know that it isn’t just because they were or weren’t sexually abused when they were children.
Some myths are harmless, like believing that going outside with wet hair will give you a cold. Others can cause a lot more harm. Make sure that you’re not making assumptions about the sexual abuse survivors in your life, or the perpetrators you may hear about. Here are eight more myths about child sexual abuse you can take.

Recent blogs

27071:full
Male Sexual Abuse
According to the Centers for Disease Control, 1 in 13 boys in the US experience sexual abuse at some time in their childhood. And the American National Center for PTSD states that at least 1 in 10 men in our country will experience sexual assault at some point in their life. This means that sexual trauma can occur beyond childhood.
Read this article
23215:full
What to do if a Sex Offender Moves to Your Neighborhood?
You do everything you can to ensure that your kids are safe. But what do you do if a registered sex offender moves into your neighborhood? You may feel like you suddenly don’t have control over your child’s safety. A potential threat has come and you don’t know what to do. Here are some tips for managing what can feel like an overwhelming situation.
Read this article
23247:full
Before Letting Your Child Have a Sleepover
Going to a sleepover may raise the risk for a child to be sexually abused. Educated parents are the best ones to decide if a sleepover is appropriate for their child. You can eliminate the risk by not allowing a sleepover. Or, if you choose to have sleepovers, there are some things you should think through.
Read this article
SEE ALL blogs

5 Facts About Child on Child Sexual Abuse (COCSA)

Posted on November 17, 2023 - 9:00 am by

Saprea > Blog > All Blogs > 5 Facts About Child on Child Sexual Abuse (COCSA)

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5 Facts About Child on Child Sexual Abuse (COCSA)

Many parents or caregivers often raise the questions concerning sexual abuse: “Do children sexually abuse other children?” and “Does it really happen?” One uncomfortable fact about child sexual abuse is that about 1/3 of all victimization occurs between people who are both under the age of 18, which means that child on child sexual abuse is a difficult reality that must be addressed.

What is Child On Child Sexual Abuse?

The term child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA) is defined as sexual activity between children that occurs without consent, without equality (mentally, physically, or in age), or as a result of physical or emotional coercion. What this means is that a power difference exists between the two children, whether that is in age, size, or ability.

While the trauma for the victim is the same as if it had happened by an adult, this type of abuse often goes unreported—either because it’s dismissed by adults as “kids being kids” or for the fear of what will happen to one or both of the children to have the abuse known.

The truth is that both children need help in a situation like this. The child being abused certainly needs the appropriate care to avoid the weight of lifelong trauma that so many survivors of child sexual abuse experience, as well as the symptoms that go with it.

The child who has engaged in the harmful sexual behavior (HSB) needs help as well. If they are able to see a licensed medical/mental health professional to help them work through these age-inappropriate sexual behaviors, then they are less likely to engage in HSB again.

What Are the Facts?

01

AGES 12 TO 14 ARE THE PEAK AGES FOR AN ADOLESCENT TO ENGAGE IN HARMFUL SEXUAL BEHAVIORS.

This age-range experiences a lot of changes as puberty begins, and if they have a skewed view of sex, or a propensity toward HSB, they may target someone younger, smaller, or with cognitive or physical limitations.

02

70 PERCENT OF ALL ADULT PERPETRATORS HAVE BETWEEN 1 AND 9 VICTIMS.

This means that if a child or teen victimizes another child or teen, they need help immediately, so they will not go on to victimize others.

03

AS MANY AS 40 PERCENT OF CHILDREN WHO ARE SEXUALLY ABUSED ARE VICTIMIZED BY OLDER OR MORE POWERFUL CHILDREN.

It's important to look for ways to not only protect your child from sexual abuse, but also find ways to protect them from perpetrating abuse against others.

04

SEX OFFENSES ARE THE CRIMES LEAST LIKELY TO INVOLVE STRANGERS AS PERPETRATORS.

This can make it difficult to know what to do in this situation, but please know that reporting it is the best thing that you can do for BOTH children involved.

05

CHILDREN WHO DISCLOSE THEIR ABUSE WITHIN ONE MONTH ARE AT A REDUCED RISK FOR DEPRESSION.

If your child can talk about the abuse with you, then they are less likely to suffer from depression later in life related to the abuse. Believe them when they talk to you or disclose to you. One of the most important things you can do is LISTEN.

You Can Make a Difference

Sexual abuse can be hard to think about and harder to discuss, but it’s important to address these issues and educate yourself. This will empower you to reduce the risk of your child being sexually abused and/or engaging in HSB. If something has happened and you’re not sure what to do, please report it so that the children involved can get the help they need.

Recent blogs

27071:full
Male Sexual Abuse
According to the Centers for Disease Control, 1 in 13 boys in the US experience sexual abuse at some time in their childhood. And the American National Center for PTSD states that at least 1 in 10 men in our country will experience sexual assault at some point in their life. This means that sexual trauma can occur beyond childhood.
Read this article
23215:full
What to do if a Sex Offender Moves to Your Neighborhood?
You do everything you can to ensure that your kids are safe. But what do you do if a registered sex offender moves into your neighborhood? You may feel like you suddenly don’t have control over your child’s safety. A potential threat has come and you don’t know what to do. Here are some tips for managing what can feel like an overwhelming situation.
Read this article
23247:full
Before Letting Your Child Have a Sleepover
Going to a sleepover may raise the risk for a child to be sexually abused. Educated parents are the best ones to decide if a sleepover is appropriate for their child. You can eliminate the risk by not allowing a sleepover. Or, if you choose to have sleepovers, there are some things you should think through.
Read this article
SEE ALL blogs

The 3 Ways I Taught My Special Needs Son About Sex

Posted on March 3, 2023 - 4:12 pm by

Saprea > Blog > All Blogs > The 3 Ways I Taught My Special Needs Son About Sex

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The 3 Ways I Taught My Special Needs Son About Sex

Talking about sex is awkward.
Talking about sex with your child is even more awkward.

Talking about sex with your son who has autism goes beyond awkward and into the realm of “How the heck am I even going to start to explain this to him?”

That’s where I am right now. My son has high-functioning autism, he’s almost 10, and I’m pretty sure he’s about to start going through puberty. He’s always been big for his age, and the pediatrician warned me he might go through puberty early; looks like his prediction is coming true. Lucky me. The first thing I did was reach out to other moms of kiddos with autism to see if they had any advice. They all had advice for how to get him to take care of his hygiene, but none of them had any real advice on how to talk to him about sex and all the things that go along with it. Most of them seem surprised that I even wanted to tell him about that when he was so young.

I’m a single mom, and my son has special needs – both of those factors increase the chances that he’ll be sexually abused. I am not going to withhold information from him about healthy sexuality (that could prevent abuse from happening) just because I feel awkward.

Lucky for me, I work at Saprea, and I have access to people who could help me figure out how to traverse this new milestone in autism mothering. I would love to give you a list of ten amazing things I was able to do that made everything clear to him and allowed him to understand everything perfectly, but I can’t. Like everything with parenting, I’m doing my best and hoping some of it works! Here are three things I’ve tried so far and how they worked for us.

01 - We Read Books Together

My son loves to read, so I thought this might be a great place to start. Unfortunately, there aren’t a lot of books about puberty for boys and none that I’ve been able to find for kids with special needs. Two books that have been helpful are Sex is a Funny Word by Cory Silverberg and Guy Stuff: The Body Book for Boys by Cara Natterson. We read them together. He wanted to skip some things or got embarrassed about some of it, but we had lots of good conversations, and he was able to get the information in a way that made sense to him. I felt comfortable giving him the Guy Stuff book and letting him read it on his own, but I felt like I needed to read Sex is a Funny Word with him because it is a little more sex-related (obviously), and I wanted to be there to explain things to him.
Pros: The information was accurate, the illustrations were fun, and we were able to talk about respect, consent, and what a relationship should look like. I learned a lot about what he wants his future relationships to look like.
Cons: He now blames everything on puberty. He actually said to me, “Mom, my butt itches. I think it might be puberty.”
Conclusion: This was the easiest thing I did, but he didn’t want to keep doing it every night. Now we touch on it about every other week.

02 - We Talked About It

I sat him down and tried to ask questions and start a conversation. I’ll be honest – this was doomed from the start. He was not interested in having a “boring” conversation with me. He hates talking anyway but talking to his mom about love, sex, and relationships were (apparently) the worst topic possible.
Pros: I was able to tell him that he can talk to me about any of this kind of stuff whenever he wants.
Cons: You can’t have a conversation with a kid who doesn’t like to talk, so it was a lot of me talking and him listening or me asking questions and him being annoyed I wouldn’t leave him alone.
Conclusion: This doesn’t work for a kiddo who doesn’t talk or has a difficult time talking. But I tried it, and that’s what matters!

03 - I Talk About It in Front of Him, but Not to Him

My son always listens attentively, even when I’m not talking to him. I decided to use that to my advantage and talk about sexuality, puberty, relationships, and healthy interactions when he was around. I brought it up with friends and family members – different topics and subjects each time – and discussed with them all the things I wanted him to know about.
Pros: The words were said (so I know he’s at least hearing them), and it helped other people in my life get used to talking about healthy sexuality.
Cons: I don’t know what he wants to know more about or if he has any questions. And I have no idea what information he’s taking away from these overheard conversations.
Conclusion: I have no idea how effective this is, but I can tell he’s listening. It also gave me the opportunity to learn what other moms and people I care about think about various things, and I loved talking about it with them. This parenting thing is hard and having a child with special needs brings its own challenges. Don’t excuse yourself or your child from learning about healthy sexuality just because it’s difficult to talk about. If you learn nothing else from me, I hope you’ll take away the lesson that it’s worth trying. Just keep trying.

Sex is a Funny Word by Cory Silverberg
Guy Stuff: The Body Book for Boys by Cara Natterson
Disclaimer: As an Amazon affiliate, Saprea gets a small commission if you buy from these links that help to support our cause at no extra cost to you.

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Why the ACE Study Is Important for Parents

Posted on January 19, 2022 - 9:21 pm by

Saprea > Blog > All Blogs > Why the ACE Study Is Important for Parents

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Why the ACE Study Is Important for Parents

One of the most comprehensive studies about the long-term effects of adverse childhood experiences is the ACE Study. This post will explain, briefly, what it is and how it can help you as a parent or caregiver to raise a more well-adjusted child.

From 1995 to 1997, Kaiser Permanente and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recruited participants for a long-term study that has come to be known as the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study. The study ended up using 17,337 participants.

What does the ACE Study measure?

The ACE Study asked people if they had experienced any of the following 10 things as a child:

01

EMOTIONAL ABUSE

02

PHYSICAL ABUSE

03

SEXUAL ABUSE

04

MOTHER TREATED VIOLENTLY

05

HOUSEHOLD SUBSTANCE ABUSE

06

HOUSEHOLD MENTAL ILLNESS

07

PARENTAL SEPARATION OR DIVORCE

08

INCARCERATED HOUSEHOLD MEMBER

09

EMOTIONAL NEGLECT

10

PHYSICAL NEGLECT

Each of the above experiences that occurred would raise a person’s score. The higher the score, the more at risk a person is for the following, although this list is not exhaustive:

  • Alcoholism
  • Depression
  • Illicit drug use
  • Financial stress
  • Suicide attempts
  • Unintended pregnancies
  • Sexual violence
  • Poor academic achievement

You can go to the CDC website for a more thorough look at the study and the risks associated with a high ACE score.

What Can We Learn From the ACE Study?

When you look at the first list, you can see that one thing might lead to another. If a child’s mother is abused, it raises the likelihood that the child will be abused as well in some form or another. Emotional neglect can lead to a child becoming the target of a perpetrator of sexual abuse. Household mental illness may mean that a child is physically neglected. It’s difficult to take one aspect of the ACE without tying it to another.

So what does that have to do with helping you prevent your child from being sexually abused?

The ACE Study shows us that there are things that will make your child more vulnerable to sexual abuse. As you are looking at your child’s potential ACE score, you can see the places where you need to put more focus and energy.

For example, if your recent divorce has left your child feeling emotionally neglected, you still have time to remedy that situation. Take a close look at yourself and be honest about what you can do to lower your child’s ACE score. The more informed you are, the better decisions you can make. Give your child the best chance you can to become a well-adjusted, high-functioning adult.

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5 Facts About Sex Trafficking in the United States

Posted on January 19, 2022 - 7:30 pm by

Saprea > Blog > All Blogs > 5 Facts About Sex Trafficking in the United States

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5 Facts About Sex Trafficking in the United States

Sex trafficking is a part of child sexual abuse that is often overlooked by parents. It may seem like something that only occurs in other cities, states, or countries. It actually can, and does, occur everywhere. Information is the greatest shield against it though, so here are five facts about sex trafficking in the United States you may not know about, courtesy of our friends at Operation Underground Railroad (OUR):

01

IT DOESN’T JUST HAPPEN SOMEWHERE ELSE.

Cases of human trafficking in the United States have been reported in all 50 states, Washington D.C., and all United States territories.

02

IT'S MORE THAN JUST YOUNG WOMEN ARE VICTIMS OF SEX TRAFFICKING.

Victims of human trafficking can be children or adults, male or female, come from all backgrounds, and economic levels. Children as young as 9 can be targeted for exploitation.

03

IT’S ABOUT POWER AND CONTROL.

When it comes to children getting pulled into trafficking, perpetrators are looking for vulnerable children that they can easily control and manipulate. Lonely kids who don’t have a good relationship with friends or family are prime targets.

04

AMERICANS ARE THE LARGEST PRODUCERS OF PORNOGRAPHY IN THE WORLD.

We’re also the biggest consumers. Both the production and consumption of pornography can feed into the demand for sex trafficking in the United States.

05

IT ISN’T JUST MALE STRANGERS WHO ARE PERPETRATORS.

Women, boyfriends, and family members can all lead a child into sex trafficking. Sexual abusers sometimes coerce the children they abuse into sex trafficking as well.

Children can be made more or less vulnerable by the adults in their lives. If a child is loved, cared for, and taken care of, they are much less likely to get lured into sex trafficking. Educate yourself on the risks of sex trafficking in your area and do your part to protect the children you love from becoming a statistic.

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6 Important Principles to Teach Your Child about Sex

Posted on January 19, 2021 - 10:44 pm by

Saprea > Blog > All Blogs > 6 Important Principles to Teach Your Child about Sex

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6 Important Principles to Teach Your Child about Sex

There are six basic sexual health principles that can guide someone in making decisions about their sexuality. These are important concepts to teach your child or teen, in addition to learning and modeling them in your own life. Within each of these principles, you’ll want to discuss safety, trust, communication, respect, and accurate information—all of which are key to achieving sexual health and happiness. As you read these, think through how they relate to you and your family, and decide if there are other rights or principles you want to add when you talk to your child or teen about them. Not everything below is appropriate for all ages. Use your judgment to decide what your child is ready for.

01

Consent

Consent is the full, continuous, mutual agreement to sexual activity between the individuals involved. Consent includes the right to:

  • Choose what you participate in, what you don’t participate in, or abstain from completely.
  • Change your mind at any time.
  • Fully understand what you are agreeing to.

02

Non-Exploitation

Exploitive relationships use coercion and power differentials to benefit one individual over another. You have the right to non-exploitive relationships and to:

  • Feel safe in your sexual activities.
  • Not be taken advantage of due to age, gender, religion, ability, race, etc.
  • Voice your needs, concerns, and preferences as they relate to your sexuality.
  • Not please others at your own expense.

03

Protection

Protection from STIs, HIV, and unwanted pregnancy comes through medically accurate education, information about the risk partners pose to each other, and access to appropriate healthcare and resources. You have the right to:

  • Ask about the risk your partners pose to your sexual health.
  • Deny sexual contact without use of protection or deny sexual contact altogether.
  • Educate yourself and others about types of protection.

04

Honesty

Honesty is being truthful within sexual relationships. Partners should voluntarily share important information in an environment of safety and trust. You have the right to:

  • Be honest with yourself and your partners.
  • Give and receive accurate information, even when stakes are high.
  • Ask questions of your sexual partners that impact your sexual and emotional health.

05

Values

Sexual activities can have different meanings for different people. Sharing sexual values can help to clarify what is acceptable for each person in the relationship and create clear expectations. You have the right to:

  • Take time to know your own and your partners’ values around sex.
  • Have your values respected without being belittled or condemned.
  • Feel safe sharing the values that you have and why you have them.

06

Pleasure

Safe sexual experiences built on trust have the ability to bring enjoyment and satisfaction to those involved. You have the right to:

  • Find your personal sexual preferences, expressions, and desires.
  • Feel safe when exploring sexuality.
  • Experience consensual pleasure without pain.

As you think through these principles and share them with your child, you may find things that resonate more at different times and in different situations. Having open and honest conversations about sex and healthy sexuality is one of the most important things you can do with your child or teen. It can prevent them from being sexually abused, help them have happier and healthier relationships, and allow them to make more informed choices around sex and sexuality.

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