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Annette Curtis, LCSW About Annette Curtis, LCSW

Annette joined Saprea in 2016 after working for 23 years at a nonprofit organization with children and adolescents in the foster care system. Annette received her BS in psychology from Brigham Young University and her master’s in social work from the University of Utah. She is an experienced clinician with a background in trauma including child sexual abuse, and has worked with individuals ranging from ages four through adulthood. She is dedicated to helping those who have experienced sexual abuse trauma and its effects. When she is not at work, she is spending time with her family at home or Disneyland.

Signs of Sexual Abuse in Children

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Signs of Sexual Abuse in Children

Abby was excited for her birthday party. She was finally turning 8! The whole family was invited including all her aunts, uncles, and cousins. But when Uncle Josh walked in the door, she suddenly became scared and ran to her mother. “What could be going on with Abby?”, her mother wondered, “She was so excited for her party”.

Abby’s reaction to her uncle may be a sign that something more is going on. How would you know if your child has been sexually abused? There are several signs to look for that could indicate that your child may have experienced child sexual abuse.

Warning Signs

Some of the initial signs might not be as obvious as others. It is important to know what you typically see from your child to notice a change behaviorally, physically, or emotionally. These may vary based on the age or your child, environment, and upbringing. Start by looking for patterns that are outside the norm for your child.

Behavioral Signs

Some of the behavioral signs may include the following:
  • Reverting to younger behaviors (bet wetting, thumb sucking, tantrums, or baby talk)
  • Not wanting to be left alone, especially with certain people
  • Not wanting to change clothes or bathe
  • Nightmares, waking up crying, or other sleep problems
  • Changes in eating habits (eating more or less, avoiding foods previously liked)
  • Draws frightening or sexual images
  • Inappropriate sexual behavior for the child’s age
  • Keeping secrets, not wanting to talk
  • Exhibits adult-like sexual behaviors, knowledge, or language
  • Running away from home
  • Lack of or change in personal hygiene
  • Disordered eating
  • Isolating
  • Loss of interest in pleasurable activities

Physical Signs

Some of the physical signs may include the following:
  • Pain when urinating or with bowel movements
  • Underwear stained with blood or other discharge
  • Increase in unexplained health problems (headaches, stomachaches)
  • Problems walking or sitting
  • Physical pain or itching in the genital area
  • Rectal bleeding
  • Unexplained bruising, particularly around genitals

Emotional Signs

Some of the emotional signs may include the following:
  • Change in mood or personality including increased aggression, irritability
  • Loss or decrease in interest in areas such as school, friends, or activities previously liked
  • Excessive fear or worry
  • Fear of being left alone, clinginess
  • Self harming behaviors including hitting or scratching self, pulling out hair
  • Increased self-isolation, crying, low self-esteem
  • Decrease in self-confidence or self-image
  • Negative self-talk (calling themselves bad, ugly)
  • Severe depression and/or anxiety
Signs Usually Seen in Adolescents
In addition to some of the signs observed in children, signs for adolescents may include:
  • Fear of intimacy or closeness
  • Suicide ideation or attempts
  • Self harming behaviors such as cutting, burning
  • Drug and alcohol use
  • Out of control/risky sexual behavior
  • Urinary tract infections, yeast infections, STIs
Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is struggling, or in crisis, help is available. Call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Hotline. Confidential chat is also available at 988lifeline.org 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
It is important to remember to look for patterns of change in these areas that are sudden or atypical for your child or adolescent. Some of these signs may be part of growing up, changes in body, or explained by other factors such as divorce, bullying, or other forms of trauma. If you see signs that are of concern, it is better to take action sooner than later.

Taking Action

So, what can you do if you see signs of sexual abuse as a parent or caregiver with a child or adolescent or suspect that something is not right? Keep track of the patterns or signs you are seeing. If something seems off to you, pay attention to that feeling and investigate it further.

01

Listen and Believe

  • If your child discloses abuse, listen and believe.
  • Do not interrupt or ask questions to begin with.
  • They may not be ready to fully disclose what has happened or is happening.
  • Your child may give clues that you can follow up on to gather more information.
  • If it is confirmed that sexual abuse happened, don’t shame your child in any way.
  • Be encouraging, supportive.
  • Get in touch with your local child protective services, sexual assault advocates, or law enforcement. (They can guide you in the steps you will need to take to report the abuse.)

02

Create a Safety Plan

  • If you know the person who sexually abused your child, keep the child away from this person.
  • If you are unsure who the perpetrator is, avoid having your child in potentially unsafe situations such as sleepovers, family parties, or leaving them alone with other adults.
  • If your child was abused by another child in your own home, try to ensure that they are not left alone at any time.
  • If the abuse was by a child at school, a cousin, or neighbor, talk to those who can help you create a safety plan.
  • Watch for signs from your child when they are around people. This may give you more information.
  • You may need to make major changes in your life to keep your child away from the perpetrator such as not attending family gatherings and such. Create a safety plan with your child so they know they are safe.
  • This may include a safe word that indicates they feel uncomfortable or need to leave a situation.

03

Get help for your child

  • This may include a trauma informed therapist or one that specializes in play therapy depending on the age of your child.
  • Much of the time, if the law is involved, you will have access to a victim’s advocate that can help pay for any services your child needs.
  • Continue to be supportive of your child by listening and being encouraging.

Take Care of Yourself

It is also important to take care of yourself as a parent or caregiver. It is normal to feel weighed down by shame and guilt. Self-care will allow you the ability to be present for your child and attend to their needs. Take each day one at a time. Remember, healing takes time and needs to go at a pace the child can handle. Some days may be more difficult than others, but your response and attitude will play a significant role in helping your child to heal and be resilient.

About the author

Image

Annette Curtis, LCSW

Retreat Manager
Annette joined Saprea in 2016 after working for 23 years at a nonprofit organization with children and adolescents in the foster care system. Annette received her BS in psychology from Brigham Young University and her master’s in social work from the University of Utah. She is an experienced clinician with a background in trauma including child sexual abuse, and has worked with individuals ranging from ages four through adulthood. She is dedicated to helping those who have experienced sexual abuse trauma and its effects. When she is not at work, she is spending time with her family at home or Disneyland.

Can Children Sexually Abuse Other Children? 

Saprea > Blog > All Blogs > Can Children Sexually Abuse Other Children? 

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Can Children Sexually Abuse Other Children? 

Margo is a stay-at-home parent of three children. She walked in on her 7-year-old son playing with his 2-year-old cousin’s penis. When she asked her son what he was doing, he responded, “He was crying so I was trying to make him feel better” Margo was devastated. She thought to herself, My son is a sex offender. What should I do? Was Margo correct in assuming that her son was a sex offender?

Penny, a working mother of two, caught her 10-year-old daughter touching her 3-year-old sister’s vagina. When she saw what was happening, Penny said, “Stop doing that. Go clean your room.” Penny did not address what her daughter had been doing, assuming it was “normal” behavior for children. Was Penny correct in not addressing the behavior further?

Both of these scenarios can be startling for parents, and they both should be addressed. Is there such a thing as child-on-child sexual abuse? This can be a difficult topic for parents to talk about, but it is important that parents have the proper knowledge about how to respond and to recognize what may be potentially harmful sexual behaviors.

Child-on-child sexual abuse is when a prepubescent child is sexually abused by another child or adolescent. This abuse could include physical force, emotional manipulation, bribery, tricks, or threats by the other child. It can also include a non-coercive act. This occurs when one child initiates sexual acts and the other child goes along with it without an understanding of what is going on.1 There is no consent by the child for these acts as he/she is unable to give consent. (Please refer to our Community Education guide about consent.)

What could lead to child-on-child sexual abuse? There may be many factors. Some children who engage in this behavior have been victims of child sexual abuse themselves, but this is not always the case. Other factors may be exposure to sexually explicit material, repeatedly witnessing sexual activity of adults or adolescents, bullying, emotional and/or physical abuse, or attachment disruptions. In some cases, the child or adolescent is acting impulsively with no intent of causing harm to the child.

Some children may be sexually reactive, which is when they act out in sexual ways because they have been sexually abused themselves. Sexual reactivity is a learned behavior. However, whether there was intent to harm or not, abusive acts are still harmful to the child who was acted upon.

Studies suggest that at least one-third of child sexual abuse is perpetrated by other children and young people, and most often on a younger child.2 Some of this is peer-to-peer sexual abuse. Some factors to consider are if the sexual acts are mutual or does not include the inequality of the children, power dynamics, disability, and age gaps of two or more years. Child-on-child sexual abuse is most likely to occur in families, between siblings. In fact, this type of abuse is actually 3–4 times more likely than father-to-daughter sexual abuse. Sibling sexual abuse occurs at a greater frequency and over a longer period of time due to access of the child. Children who experience sibling sexual abuse are less likely to disclose than intra-familial abuse by an adult in the home.3

The effects of child-on-child sexual abuse are largely the same as children who are victimized by adults. The impacts of the abuse may include anxiety disorders, depression, substance abuse, suicide, eating disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder, low self-esteem, and sleeping disorders. Behavioral indicators to watch for are difficulty learning, a heightened startle response, anxiety about being left alone with a certain child, and regression such as bed wetting, tantrums or outbursts.

To understand child-on-child sexual abuse we need to look at what healthy sexual development looks like.

Returning to the stories of Margo and Penny—it is important that the behaviors they observed be addressed immediately, both for the wellbeing of the child who was abused and for the child who initiated the sexual contact. “Brushing off” the behaviors because “kids will be kids” can have lasting impacts for all involved.4 The sooner the behaviors are addressed, the sooner they will be stopped. Be careful not to label the child who initiated the abuse as a “perpetrator” or “pedophile” as this can unduly shame them and could impede their ability to move to healthier patterns. By providing support and education when child-on-child sexual abuse is discovered, you can minimize further risk and lasting effects of abuse.

About the author

Image

Annette Curtis, LCSW

Retreat Manager
Annette joined Saprea in 2016 after working for 23 years at a nonprofit organization with children and adolescents in the foster care system. Annette received her BS in psychology from Brigham Young University and her master’s in social work from the University of Utah. She is an experienced clinician with a background in trauma including child sexual abuse, and has worked with individuals ranging from ages four through adulthood. She is dedicated to helping those who have experienced sexual abuse trauma and its effects. When she is not at work, she is spending time with her family at home or Disneyland.

How to Care for Your Child After Sexual Abuse

Saprea > Blog > All Blogs > How to Care for Your Child After Sexual Abuse

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How to Care for Your Child After Sexual Abuse

So you’ve called the local reporting agency in your area and reported the child sexual abuse, one of the biggest steps you can take. Now, what should you do to take care of your child?

Get your child into therapy as soon as possible.

If you do not have health insurance or your health insurance won’t pay for therapy, most states have a crime victims fund that will help pay. There may be some limitations to this, such as needing to find a therapist who is approved for crime victims work, or the fund only paying for so much therapy. I have seen the crime victims fund also pay for a medical exam, therapy for the child, mileage to and from the therapist, medication, and possible counseling for parents. Talk to your local crime victims advocate to find out what they can do for your child and for you.

Find a therapist who has been trained in trauma-focused therapy and is trauma-sensitive.

If your child is younger, try to find a therapist trained in a sand tray and/or play therapy that deals with trauma. Many times, children tell their story through their play and share details they can’t or don’t know how to verbalize. It is okay for you to meet with the therapist to see if they are a good fit for you, but especially for your child. Watch how your child responds to the therapist. Does the therapist get down on their level? Are they condescending to the child? Are they warm and nurturing? Trust your gut on this.

It is very important that your child is believed and supported.

I have seen the damage done when parents don’t believe their child, minimize what happened, blame the child in any way, or try to brush it under the rug as if the abuse did not happen or wasn’t that bad. Remember whether the abuse happened once or several times, it is trauma. Being there for your child in every way can help to minimize the long-term effects of the abuse. Your child’s trust with another person was broken. You can help the child to see that you can be trusted and that not all adults are untrustworthy. Also, make sure you are clear with your child that the abuse was nottheir fault. Allow your child to talk when they need to, but don’t ask a lot of questions. Don’t try to solve the child’s problems for them. You can offer choices or suggestions, but in the end, your child will become more empowered by making their own decisions.

Your child may experience triggers at any moment.

A trigger is something that reminds a person of the trauma they experienced. This could be a place, person, smell, time of day, or many other things. Most likely you may be aware of some of them but not all. When a child experiences a trigger, they may feel like they are back in the moment when the trauma occurred and feel the exact way they did (i.e. scared, helpless, trapped). Work with your child’s therapist on techniques to help, such as deep breathing or getting a favorite blanket or stuffed animal. Your child needs to feel safe and supported by you regardless of how you feel or what you believe at the moment.

Your reaction and what you do after the abuse are key in helping your child heal. Use the resources available to you to help in the process and take care of yourself as well. Your child needs to interact with a parent or loved one that is healthy and trustworthy. Try to maintain a consistent schedule, routine, and household. This can help your child feel safe and secure and be less anxious about what could happen. Love your child unconditionally and be present for them. Understand that healing takes time and there is no specific time frame in the healing process.

About the author

Image

Annette Curtis, LCSW

Retreat Manager
Annette joined Saprea in 2016 after working for 23 years at a nonprofit organization with children and adolescents in the foster care system. Annette received her BS in psychology from Brigham Young University and her master’s in social work from the University of Utah. She is an experienced clinician with a background in trauma including child sexual abuse, and has worked with individuals ranging from ages four through adulthood. She is dedicated to helping those who have experienced sexual abuse trauma and its effects. When she is not at work, she is spending time with her family at home or Disneyland.