I’ve Been Operating with a Wounded Spirit

How do you put into words a “cornerstone moment” of your life? How do you put value on something that affects your mind, your heart, and your soul forever more? 

For years, I have been operating with a wounded spirit. Mind you, I have been pretty successful. I have a happy, loving marriage to a man who makes me swoon every day. I have a beautiful, talented daughter who makes me giggle all the time. I am self-employed and have an amazing business where I get to make a positive difference in the world every day. 

When I heard about Saprea, I told myself: I don’t need to go, what happened to me wasn’t that bad. It only happened a couple times, and it was by different people. I’m happy, I’m successful, I don’t need to be “fixed.” And yet, I operated every day from a place of not being worthy, not being enough. Worried that I wasn’t doing something right in my marriage. Always doing more than most, thinking I “just required less sleep.” Every day I was masking the pain of a 10-year-old girl, with keeping busy and eating food. 

I let myself get up to 340 pounds just to protect myself. If I was fat nobody would bother me. And you know what? They didn’t. Until a year ago, when I lost 100 pounds. I then felt very vulnerable, I was determined to maintain a healthy weight. It was then when I heard someone speak again about Saprea and I knew I needed to go. I was done being silent, only a couple of people knew my story, the edited story, not the true yucky story. 

The Saprea Retreat was a safe place where I was able to surround myself with women who have been through similar situations. They had the same hurts and the struggles I did. At the Saprea Retreat, I was able to learn tools to unbury deep hurts and start the healing process. I am sleeping more, I am maintaining my healthy weight, and most of all I am able to love myself more and the special people in my life. 

I share the story of my journey and my time at the Saprea Retreat often. It is no longer a secret. I actually want to shout it from the rooftops because I am a survivor! 

-Jennifer, Survivor