It Was Swept Under the Rug and Forgotten
My story starts around the age of eight. I was sexually abused by a family member. Someone that I had thought loved me because of his gentle words and the kindness he had shown me. He manipulated me and groomed me into thinking that all the wrongful things he taught me were okay to do. Somehow, I thought that what we were doing wasn’t normal so, I told my mom and the wife of the man who molested me. It was swept under the rug and was forgotten.
I grew up confused, rebellious, and felt so numb. I didn’t know what was right from wrong anymore. It wasn’t until he sexually abused me again when I turned eighteen. Although it was another traumatic story written in the book, it was a relief to know that all those years of suffering, was because of a predator. During those ten years, I’ve thought that I was delusional. All the flashbacks and sudden memories from my childhood of him were not a lie. After he had been exposed to my family, I’ve lost many family members in my life. But, then again, now I know who are the family members that are truly there for me and love me.
It took me some time to find myself. I had to look at it as if I was starting over at the age of eight. I began writing poems to help express myself. It didn’t take me that long to start sharing them with family and friends then eventually the internet. I want to be able to be a standing advocate for those that are silent, for those that are carrying that burden, and for that little eight-year-old girl.
I’d like to share the very first poem that I wrote. This is a part of me that I’ve hidden for so many years. To the survivors that are reading this, I hope this poem uplifts you. I hope you feel a connection and recognize that you are not alone.
So young. So innocent. So naïve. So pure… the “I love you’s” and heart felt hugs. You were “perfection” through my eyes. To protect and love me as your own. You were my “hero.” So shameful. So lost. So numb. So filthy… that I could not wash off. The trust that was built have been shattered into pieces. The worst lie someone could ever tell. How violation and abuse was fed as false love. How you almost destroyed me. How the heartache, betrayal, moments of despair, and bitterness had almost taken over my soul. So patient. So courageous. So open. How the acceptance and genuine love from family released my negative thoughts. How the uplifting faith He has guided me towards freed my spirit. Not to change but to grow and heal. To become the person I was meant to be. An overcomer.