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Saprea > Survivor Stories > I’ve Come So Far and I’m Not Going Back


I’ve Come So Far and I’m Not Going Back


In a matter of a couple of years, I went from a woman who would have taken the secret of her abuse to her grave to the woman who did everything in her power to protect the little girl who never got her chance to fight or scream. After 15 years of not remembering my abuse, and another ten burying it, deciding to finally tell my parents was more than liberating. It was the catalyst to my healing. 

The early stages of anger and rage I felt fueled my determination to fight for my inner child and do what she couldn’t do to protect herself at 4 years old. 

Until I attended the Saprea Retreat, I never felt strong or worthy of happiness. Never. 

Saprea changed all of that. Attending the retreat removed the cloud I was living under. It helped me understand trauma and realize I wasn’t alone. I was surrounded by complete strangers, but we were bonded together by our traumas and a deep understanding of the pain we all felt. No one needed to say anything, but I felt like every woman in that room knew my heart like no one ever has. 

The Saprea Retreat wasn’t a quick fix. Those don’t exist. But it was an opportunity to rest, learn, and share in a very safe place. I learned I am strong. I am beautiful. I am worthy. And even though the journey to healing is long, hard and lots of work, I have the tools I need, and that’s dangerous in the hands of a woman who, as a child, has already survived hell on earth. I’ve come so far, and I’m not going back! 

-Leilani, Survivor