I Am Becoming
For years I struggled with issues relating to my childhood sexual abuse. I began drinking at an early age, then drug abuse, then eating disorders, the list goes on and on. I never talked about my secret. I tried to hide from the shame and pretend it was something else that was causing my pain. My life was falling apart. I would get better then something would trigger me inside and I would be on the next thing or have another rage episode. I never talked about my experiences. In return, I never fully knew myself. I never loved myself enough to take the time to get to know Linda.
A couple of years ago I decided something needed to change. I changed my career and started to give to others. I started to find fulfillment in giving. I learned to love more fully. I began to start loving myself. It was at that time I saw the Saprea Retreat. Prior to this, I would have never dreamed I was worthy of such a thing. I took a chance and filled out the application. When I went I still had doubts. In the back of mind, I still thought that everyone but me deserved to be there. Still not being honest, I felt I was the one who needed to give to others; stay busy, and not take care of myself.
At the retreat, I surprised myself when I started to cry over how I, Linda, was being cared for. Having the time to take care of myself was a gift that I would not allow myself guilt-free. I was now loving myself enough to take this time away. I took advantage of everything that was offered to me. I learned so many life-changing skills in those four days that I now am teaching these skills to women I personally mentor. I created bonds with women that were completely different than me in many ways, yet we shared this common experience and I truly love these women.
I choose the words “I am Becoming” because I am a work in progress. I am always working on moving forward to heal, to help others heal, to love myself so that I may love others more. I am forever grateful to Saprea for the opportunity they have given myself and other women. I tell my story now. I know my scars are beautiful. I am Kintsugi.