With technology becoming increasingly more accessible, there has been an increase in online grooming. Much like grooming that occurs in-person, online grooming is the technology-facilitated process of befriending a child or teen for the purpose of sexual abuse and exploitation. While some online perpetrators may know the child they are talking to, more often, sexual perpetrators are exploiting the anonymity and accessibility of online platforms to reach potential victims. Unlike in-person grooming, which can occur over weeks, months or even years, online grooming can happen very quickly, even in a matter of hours. When working online, they don’t need to influence adults and control the environment around the child; this potentially makes it easier to establish trust and build the child up more quickly toward sexual discussions or sexual contact.
How Groomers Operate Online Through Social Media and Digital Platforms
Online grooming isn’t limited to obscure corners of the internet; in fact, it often takes place on well-known platforms such as social media, messaging apps, and online games. Using fake profiles, groomers may pretend to be another child or a peer with shared interests, making it easier to gain the victim’s trust. They may even use multiple online platforms to contact the same child. They can spend time learning about the child or teen’s interests from their online profiles and use that information to help them build trust and establish a special relationship. As the online relationship develops, the perpetrator may ask for personal information or encourage private chats, video calls, and secretive behavior. Eventually, they manipulate or coerce the child into sending explicit photos or videos. In many cases, the offender uses this material to blackmail the child into further sexual acts (a form of abuse known as sextortion.)
The tactics used in online grooming are calculated and manipulative. Groomers can maintain frequent or constant contact, intensifying their control and making it difficult for the child to disengage. Some even resort to cyberstalking, using technology to monitor or harass their victims. Understanding these grooming behaviors of perpetrators helps caregivers and other adults to recognize signs of grooming early and protect children and teens from abusers online.
Online Grooming Red Flags and Warning Signs
Many parents may feel like they don’t know what to look for when trying to catch online grooming early. Luckily, if a parent can spot traditional grooming behaviors, they will likely be able to catch online grooming behaviors. One nonprofit, Bravehearts1, nicely outlines seven warning signs and red flags to pay attention to:
01
Asking personal questions too soon
The person is asking your child a lot of questions about personal information (such as their age, school, location, home life etc.) soon after meeting them online. This rapid questioning is a common grooming behavior used to assess the child’s vulnerability to build a close relationship quickly.
02
Asking for favors and building trust
The person starts asking your child for favors and does favors for them in return – abusers often use promises, gifts and favors to gain trust. This exchange creates a sense of obligation and is part of the grooming process designed to establish special attention and emotional dependence.
03
Keeping the 'relationship' secret
Online groomers typically try to keep their relationships extremely private and secret from the beginning, asking for it to be something ‘special’ just between them. Perpetrators thrive when caregivers and family members are unaware of their contact with the child.
04
Frequent and varied contact
The person contacts your child frequently and in different ways, like texting, on social media apps and through online chats or asking them to move their chat onto another platform that has end-to-end encryption.
05
Questions about device access
The person asks your child things like who else uses their device or computer, or which room they use it in. These questions help groomers assess how much privacy they have to escalate grooming behaviors without detection by parents or caregivers.
06
Gives compliments and tests boundaries
The person compliments your child on their appearance or body and/or tests their boundaries by asking things like, ‘Have you ever been kissed?,’ ‘Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?,’ and the like. Boundary testing and comments about physical appearance are examples of grooming tactics that target a child’s self-esteem and introduce sexual topics gradually. This is a form of desensitizing the child to sexual content and behavior.
07
Wants to meet in-person
Groomers may insist on meeting with the child and try to make them feel guilty or even threaten them if they are unwilling. Note: not all groomers will attempt to meet in person if their aim is to get sexual images or videos of children (known child sexual abuse material (CSAM)).
How to Protect Children From Online Dangers
As with all types of child sexual abuse, online grooming can have devastating effects on a child's mental health, self-esteem, and safety. The best defense is education—teaching children to recognize red flags, avoid sharing personal information or images, and to feel safe speaking up when something doesn’t feel right. Parents and caregivers should stay informed about the platforms their children use, maintain open and supportive communication, and be aware of changes in their child’s mood or behavior.
Online grooming may take place in the digital world, but its impacts are very real. Through awareness, education, and open dialogue, we can better protect children and young people from these serious threats.
If you suspect your child is being groomed or has experienced child sexual abuse, contact law enforcement or child protection services immediately. For more information about how to best support your child, visit our page about preventing child sexual abuse.
Frequently Asked Questions About Online Grooming
Online grooming can be complex and difficult to recognize, which often leaves parents and caregivers with many questions about how it happens and what to do if they suspect it. Below are some of the most common questions about online grooming—what it is, how to identify the warning signs, and steps you can take to help keep children safe while using digital platforms.
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