Changing the Narrative: Journey from Silence to Healing

It’s amazing, the stories we tell ourselves. For over 40 years, I told myself the sexual abuse I endured as a child hadn’t really happened, wasn’t a big deal, was probably my fault, and definitely not something to talk about. I shamed myself, denied reality, and pretended I was fine. 
 
The stories weren’t just for me. Last year, I started seeing a psychotherapist for something else. At the end of our first meeting, he asked if there was any other trauma I wanted to share. I took a deep breath and said casually, “I was molested as a child, but I’ve dealt with it. Water under the bridge. I’m fine.” It was the first time I’d told anyone. I don’t know why I said it. But just as quickly, I swept it under the rug. We didn’t talk about it again for six more weeks. I had to make sure he was safe. Then one day, I walked into his office and said I clearly hadn’t dealt with it, and I wasn’t fine. 
 
That was my first turning point: acknowledging my past. It’s been a long, difficult journey. And then I found Saprea. 
 
I first did the Saprea Webinar. For the first time, I was with others who had stories like mine. I didn’t feel so alone. The facilitators made it feel safe, and the small group discussions helped me process it all. 
 
Recently, I gave myself the greatest gift, attending the Saprea Retreat. Spending four days immersed in your trauma might sound daunting, but it was the opposite. I’ve never felt so safe, cared for, seen, and understood. Being with other women who just “got it” with no explanations or apologies needed was deeply healing. 
 
Saprea gave me tools to lay it all out: the anger, shame, and grief. And to change the narrative. 
 
I still tell myself stories, but different ones now. I was sexually abused. It was a big deal. It was NOT my fault. It’s not my shame to carry. My job now is to protect others, to educate, and to forgive myself for waiting so long because the abuse will no longer control my story. 

– Jean, Survivor